I would like to offer some ideas on how grandparents can be more involved with their grandchildren on Memorial Day.

About Memorial Day: Memorial Day is a holiday celebrated in the United States of America to honor those who have given their lives in service to their country. (Other countries also have a memorial day.) Many Americans also honor their ancestors, family, or friends on Memorial Day. Some people also honor veterans that are still living, which I think is cool, although Veterans Day is set apart for honoring all veterans.

Teach your family and grandchildren the significance of Memorial Day. Enjoy time with them. Here are some ideas:

• Talk to your grandchildren about the meaning and importance of the holiday.
• Write a letter to them or share a journal entry.
• Show your respect and appreciation through your example.
• Go with your grandchildren and family to decorate a grave of a soldier of ancestor.
• Together, thank a living veteran in person or by letter or email.
• Attend a parade, concert, or festival. Visit a national cemetery or monument.
• If you can’t be with your grandkids in person, have a live video chat with them. (See my post “How to Video Chat with Your Grandkids”)

Here are a few websites that offer free Memorial Day activities and craft ideas for children:

• FreeKidCrafts.com
• FamilyEducation.com
• Apples4TheTeacher.com

Enjoy this Memorial Day with your grandchildren!

- Grandpa Shayne

We’d like to hear from you. Please comment below to tell us how you like to celebrate Memorial Day with your grandkids.

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Grammy Tanda and I love to spend time with our grandchildren in person, but since most of them live in three other time zones, we don’t get to see them as often as we’d like. So some of our most pleasurable moments are when we are chatting “face to face” over the Internet with our grandkids.

If you enjoy talking with your grandchildren on the phone, you will love video chatting even more! It’s video conferencing software you run on your computer that lets you talk with and see your family. It’s just like in the Jetsons cartoon—live audio and video.

What could be worth more than seeing the grin on your grandchild’s face when they see you talking with them on the screen? They’ll be proud to show you how much they’ve grown and to show off their first missing tooth. Even grandbabies will respond to your voice and smiling countenance.

Somethings are just better communicated face to face, where you can see expressions and gestures. Compared to letters, email and even telephone calls, video calls can make conversations much more interesting and intimate. You’ll have more to talk about, and your grandkids will more easily remember you or your face.

Now watch this video. It’s full of examples and cool ideas for you.

A grandparent’s job is to give positive encouragement; to be a cheerleader and a talent scout. ~Grammy Tanda Packer

Fun things you can do on your video chat: read storybooks and show them the pictures, make up stories, sing, dance, play games, help with their homework, be playful, play peek-a-boo, make funny faces, and tell knock-knock jokes.

Ask your grandkids to sing and read to you, and tell you jokes and stories. Have them show you their drawings, crafts, homework, new clothes, acrobatics and somersaults.

Options for free video chat software

You’ll need a computer, a webcam with a built-in or separate mic, and a broadband Internet connection. Different programs use their own protocols, so you and your family will need to use the same software. Each of the following programs allow you to make video calls worldwide.

iChat from Apple is an application that comes free with every Macintosh. If you have a Mac, iChat is the best software for video chatting. You can even have a video conference with up to 3 other Macs at once. Since it uses the AIM protocol, iChat works well with AIM on other computers.

AIM is an application you can download to your computer. It uses the same protocol as iChat.

Skype is another popular program for making video calls. Download the program and sign up for a free account. Computer-to-computer calls and video calls are free.

Google voice and video chat is integrated into gmail in your web browser. It’s a great option if you and your family have gmail accounts. Anyone can sign up for a free gmail account.

How to get started

1. Choose an application and install it. (Consider what your family may be using.)
2. Launch the program.
3. Create a screen name and password (first time only).
4. Share your screen name with your family.
5. Arrange a time to call.
6. Turn on your webcam.
7. Log in to your chat program.
8. Initiate the video call by clicking the appropriate buttons, or click “Accept” if your family initiates the call.
9. Click the video icon by their name to see their video. (Note: Some programs make you click a button to allow them to see your video.)
10. Enjoy!

Videophones are another option for video conferencing. These are special phones with an LCD screen. No computer is needed, but they need a high-speed Internet connection. You and your family both need the same brand of videophone.

If a picture is worth 1,000 words, then live video is worth ten 10,000 words. ~Grandpa Shayne Packer

We know you’ll love video chatting with your grandkids! So go try it.

Enjoy – Grandpa Shayne

Announcement: This post is part of a blog carnival hosted by Susan Adcox, About.com’s Guide to Grandparents.

We’d like to hear from you. Please comment below to tell us about your videochat. What fun things did you do on the call with your grandkids.

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[This guest post is by Emily Wilberg. Emily is the author of the blog, Stepping Stones: a path to healing after the loss of a child.]

National Children’s Memorial Day is today, December 13th, 2009.

National Children’s Memorial Day takes place each year on the second Sunday of December. It is observed internationally to honor the 80,000 children who die each year. Families around the world light candles at 7:00 p.m. in their local time zones. As candles burn down in one time zone, they are lighted in the next, creating a 24-hour wave of light that encircles the globe. This remembrance ceremony provides the world with lit candles for an entire 24 hour period in order to honor the children we have lost, the children who lived and died, and who, even in death, continue to live in our hearts.

Join us for this world-wide candlelighting memorial.

Peace -Emily

See Emily Wilberg’s previous article: Grieving the Loss of a Grandchild.

Please fill free to comment below, and to share this post with someone you love.

[Today's guest writer is Yvonne Perry. Yvonne is a freelance writer and editor, award-winning Amazon.com bestselling author, podcast host, blogger extraordinaire, newsletter publisher, Internet marketing guru, and an outstanding keynote speaker. She is a graduate of American Institute of Holistic Theology where she earned a Bachelor of Science in Metaphysics.]

I was completely out of the mold when I made my mother a grandmother when she was only 39 years old. Most people in my graduating class were college bound and weren’t thinking of starting a family, but I was ready to be a wife-and-a-mother (one word). For some reason, I had the goal of being a teenage mom. I met that goal when I gave birth to my son only three weeks before I turned twenty. But, Mom never complained about being made into a granny. Like me, she was glad to have a little one around again.

These days, it seems like couples aren’t waiting as long before starting a family as they once did. It has become the norm for folks to become grandparents in their early forties. I became a grandmother when I was only 40 years old. That’s when my son and his wife gave me the blessing of Sidney.

When a child is born, so are grandmothers. ~Judith Levy

Sidney has been a joy since day one. He began staying overnight at my house as soon as he was weaned. We have enjoyed many outings together. We’ve gone to the circus, the museum, the holistic fair, flea markets, shopping malls, restaurants, and the zoo. We’ve seen Dora the Explorer twice at Tennessee Performing Arts Center, visited several parks and playgrounds, gone canoeing, watched lots of movies, taken out-of-state road trips, and made our annual summer trip to Nashville Shores water park. I have step-grandchildren that I also enjoy spending time with, but since they live in another state eight hours away, I don’t get to color and do arts and crafts with them as often as I’d like.

Being a grandparent at an early age gives me a chance to be kid again while I can still fit in the park swings, climb the rope feature, and fly down the sliding board without throwing up. My grandkids keep me young. That’s why I was so excited to find out that I was getting a new shipment from the stork in 2009. This year I’ve been blessed with four new grandsons: Lochlan in April, Liam in June, Jonas in July, and Payton in October. My kids never have to ask twice or worry that I’m too busy to keep their babies when they need a break. I’m glad to steal all those hugs and kisses and I don’t even mind changing a dirty diaper or getting in the floor to be on their level. I had my husband get the baby equipment down from the attic so I could set up a crib in the spare bedroom. Every time I go shopping, I look for new baby stuff.

With Sidney being my first biological grandson and the only grandchild near me for many years, I have to admit I’ve been a tad biased toward him. I wrote a series of stories for him starting when he was three years old. In them, I related some of the things we did together and mentioned the insight he has brought me. Now that Sid is almost nine years old, he helps me write the stories. I finally published our book titled The Sid Series ~ A Collection of Holistic Stories for Children. It’s available at TheSidSeries.com. Come on by and take a look inside the book—a feature provided by freado.com.

That’s another thing about being a young grandparent, I’m in touch with the latest technology and have most of the gadgets that the younger generation plays with—except for a Playstation, Game Cube, or Guitar Hero—much to Sid’s disappointment. My mom has video games at her house. I have two computers at my house and Sidney has his own folder on my PC, complete with his bookmarked and favorite Web sites.

Sidney is so grown now, that I was able to interview him on my podcast to talk about The Sid Series. How’s that for technology and young age grandparenting?

- Yvonne Perry

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[We are pleased to feature Emily Wilberg as a guest writer. Emily’s son, Gabriel, was stillborn at 21 weeks gestation in May 2002. Her husband, Nick, is an illustrator and designer, and the two of them have designed several items for grieving parents and grandparents, including scrapbooking quotes suitable for scrapbooking a baby who has died. She has 4 living children in addition to her angel Gabriel. Emily is the author of the blog, Stepping Stones: a path to healing after the loss of a child. Emily says, "I never thought my life would take this turn. Maybe I had this particular baby (Gabriel) and married this particular man (Nick, an illustrator) in order to do some small good in this world.]“

[October has been designated as "Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month", with October 15 as "Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day".]

When my son Gabriel was stillborn at 21 weeks we were blindsided. I had no idea that in this age of modern medicine and in a country as prosperous as the United States that babies still died. I thought it was something that only happened in third world counties, or maybe back in the pioneer days. And yet, it does happen. When a baby dies it is hard on the entire family — but I can imagine it is uniquely hard for a grandparent. Not only are you, yourself grieving the loss of your grandbaby, but your own child is hurting as well. What do you do? What CAN you do?

Often people do nothing. It used to be that when a baby died (either before or shortly after birth), the mother was not allowed to hold or see her child. She was told to forget and to try again as soon as possible. Things have changed. It has been discovered that it is better for the healing process if the mom is able to see her baby if possible; for the parents to hold and dress and photograph and name their child. If the baby was lost earlier in the pregnancy the parents may not be able to do even this. But the moment a mom finds out she is expecting she starts making plans for, and loving, her child. A loss at any stage is devastating. To be told to forget and move on can be hurtful; no matter how well intentioned the advice is.

There are support groups to help a family facing this trial. But even though this outside help is important, I often hear that families do not feel supported by those closest to them: their own family members. Part of this is due to differences in how our generations have been told to grieve. Part of it is probably due to the fact that family members are grieving themselves. And part of it, maybe, is that it is just too sad. Too sad to think about and too sad to talk about and certainly too sad to make a particular point to remember. And yet, that is often exactly what grieving parents need, people to remember.

You need to do what is best for you while grieving your grandchild. Nobody grieves the same and there is no straight path for healing from this loss. But it is also important to reach out to your child.

How can you help your child who has lost a baby?

Listen. Let us talk. Let us cry. Ask to hear our baby’s story and ask what we named our child. Refer to them by name. Our child’s name is precious to us; we treasure an engraved ornament or even something as simple as writing our baby’s name in a card to let us know you are thinking about us both.

Holidays can be particularly hard. Understand if the parents may not be up to big family celebrations at this time. If you do have a family dinner, a possible tradition to start is to have a toast to remember all missing family members not at the table with you. You can also make a donation to a worthy cause or do a service project in your grandchild’s name.

Technology can help families pull together in times of trial — there are many ways. Send emails often. Take advantage of inexpensive long distance to call frequently — with mobile phones, or iChat, or Internet phones such as Skype and Vonage. Use reminder services for special occasions like the ones available at flowers.com and electronic greeting cards.

The Internet brings our world closer together and makes multiple resources available that may not be available in your immediate community. There are many online resources and support groups for families grieving the loss of a child. There are even specific sites for grieving grandparents. I have listed a few helpful sites below.

Aloha Sand Photos is a recent project I have started with my sister is to take a photo of a child’s name written in the sand and post a photo of it on our blog. I am in Maryland and she is in Hawaii, and the names come from all over the world. One grateful parent recently sent me an email stating, “I love technology. I can simply do this… and photos can come across the world from Hawaii. I am grateful. It has brought me into a very sorrowful yet hopeful club of parents with children who grew wings far too early.”

God sends children to enlarge our hearts, and make us unselfish and full of kindly sympathies and affections. ~Mary Howitt

Thank you to Grandpa Shayne for letting me write this guest post on his blog. I am sorry this topic is needed at all, and yet, I am thankful to be allowed to share my experience it in the hopes it will bring comfort to someone else. I hope today is gentle for you.

Peace -Emily (Gabriel’s mom)

Online Resources

• Aloha Remembered Blog: Have your grandchild’s name written in the sand and a photo posted on their blog.
• Stepping Stones: a path to healing after the loss of a child is a good general blog for finding helpful information.
• Stepping Stones article: Common Signs of Grief
• Grieving Grandparents Bereavement Support Article
• Grandparent Grief pamphlet from the SIDS network
• The Grief of Grandparents article by Compassionate Friends
• Helping a Grandparent Who Is Grieving Article by Alan D. Wolfelt, PH.D
• Healing Hearts: Support for Grieving Grandparents Email Penpals
• Remembering Our Angels: Gifts and ribbons for purchase.

Do you have any thoughts or ideas about helping grandparents and parents heal after the loss of a child? We welcome your comments.

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